Byron Noem, the husband of former Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, allegedly told a dominatrix he wanted to become a woman, and discussed cosmetic procedures to do it, in a series of text messages and recorded conversations now made public by the Daily Mail, the Daily Caller reported on Thursday.
The dominatrix, who goes by "Shy Sotomayor," provided audio and text messages to the Daily Mail. In those alleged exchanges, Byron Noem reportedly told her he wanted to undergo feminization procedures and adopt a female name strikingly close to his wife's.
Kristi Noem's representatives responded with a brief statement: "Ms. Noem is devastated." They added, "The family was blindsided by this, and they ask for privacy and prayers at this time." The statement was previously issued to both the New York Post and the Daily Mail when reports first surfaced alleging Byron Noem had engaged in cross-dressing.
Byron Noem did not respond to the Daily Mail's request for comment before publication.
The texts attributed to Byron Noem are blunt. In one exchange, he allegedly wrote: "F***ing true. Do you want me to be a woman?" When Sotomayor apparently responded, he followed up: "I think I do." In messages dated January 11, he allegedly wrote, "I want to be a Crystal so bad," and, "I want to be a woman so bad."
The name "Crystal" drew attention because of its resemblance to "Kristi." Sotomayor told the Daily Mail she found the choice jarring.
She said she "was just jaw to the floor, thrown for a loop that he wanted to be called that, so close to [Kristi Noem's] name, when he could have gone with Stephanie or something."
Byron Noem also allegedly used the email address "Chrystalballz666" to pay for correspondence with Sotomayor. Whether the variant spelling was intentional or incidental remains unclear.
The New York Post reported additional details from the leaked exchanges. In those messages, Byron Noem allegedly said he thought he would make a "great woman" and described desires involving feminization and what the Post characterized as a "trans bimbo" identity. He also allegedly told Sotomayor, "I would have to agree with you. Hair removal. Huge fake tits. A** implants. Hormones."
The Post also reported that in one exchange, after Sotomayor insulted his family, Byron Noem allegedly responded: "Love that. Do you really think they're gross?"
Sotomayor told the Daily Mail she began recording their alleged conversations during the winter. Her stated reason was pointed. She said she "felt he was very hypocritical for standing ten toes on American family values while he was in my messages about wanting to be a trans bimbo b***h."
She also described the experience in personal terms, saying she "needed to set some boundaries and just take care of myself." In another remark, she reflected: "I've had moments when I'm wondering how did this become my life. I just never thought I would be the mistress to ice."
At one point, Sotomayor wrote to Byron Noem: "Besides the fact of who your wife is, no one is prettier than me. No one is as powerful." The final alleged contact between them came on March 22, when Byron Noem reportedly asked Sotomayor to take a phone call. She refused.
The revelations land on a family that has already faced intense public scrutiny. Kristi Noem was at the center of a political and personal storm after her departure from the Trump administration, with her family publicly navigating questions about faith, marriage, and ambition.
Her tenure at DHS ended amid controversy. A separate investigation examined a $220 million DHS advertising campaign that contributed to her firing. The fallout extended beyond her own career; aides who followed her from DHS to the State Department were later pushed out as well.
Noem herself has alleged that DHS operatives installed spyware on her phone and laptop to monitor her meetings, a claim that, if true, would add another layer to the leaks and internal drama surrounding her public life.
The political pressure campaign against her was bipartisan in scope. Congressional Democrats, including Rep. Jamie Raskin, demanded probes into her spending and labeled certain ICE enforcement actions as "homicides."
Several important questions hang over this story. The Daily Caller's report relies on the Daily Mail's publication of the alleged texts and audio. It is not clear whether either outlet independently verified the authenticity of the messages beyond Sotomayor's claims and the materials she provided.
No records have been cited for any cosmetic procedures Byron Noem allegedly discussed. The messages are attributed to him, but he has not confirmed or denied their authenticity. His silence leaves the public record one-sided.
There is also a minor but notable inconsistency: the Daily Caller's report alternates between spelling his name "Byron" and "Bryon," and the alleged email address uses "Chrystal" rather than "Crystal." Whether these reflect source-document spellings or errors is unclear.
Whatever the full truth turns out to be, the contrast is hard to miss. Kristi Noem built her political brand on traditional family values, Christian faith, and a tough-on-culture-war posture. Her husband, if these messages are authentic, was privately telling a dominatrix he wanted to transition, and allegedly paying for the privilege of the conversation through an email address that reads like a punchline.
Sotomayor framed that gap as her reason for coming forward. The Noem family's representatives framed it as a private devastation. Byron Noem has said nothing at all.
The public has a right to weigh credibility on all sides. Sotomayor is a self-interested party who chose to record and then sell her story. The Noem family has every incentive to minimize. And the tabloid outlets publishing the material are in the business of sensation.
But the specific, dated, and detailed nature of the alleged messages, combined with the family's own statement acknowledging devastation rather than denial, makes this harder to dismiss than a typical tabloid splash.
Accountability doesn't take a holiday when the scandal hits your own side. If conservatives mean what they say about character, honesty, and the integrity of the family, then the standard has to hold even when the story is uncomfortable, especially then.
