Christina Applegate, the star of the '90s hit Married…with Children, revealed in her new memoir You with the Sad Eyes that she considered the abortion of her baby "murder," called it "killing my child," and wrote a poem to the unborn baby she believed was a girl, asking for forgiveness before going through with it.
The memoir, now a New York Times Bestseller, includes audio readings from diary entries Applegate kept in 1991, when she fell pregnant at the height of her career. The entries are raw, grief-stricken, and unsparing in their moral clarity. They also happen to be one of the most powerful pro-life testimonies a public figure has ever produced.
According to Breitbart, Applegate says she became pregnant in April of 1991 and began journaling almost immediately. In one early entry, she described discovering the pregnancy:
"Well, yesterday I found out I was 6 1/2 weeks pregnant… I love this being… I always felt that if I ever got pregnant when I knew it was the wrong time, I wouldn't have any problem having an abortion. 'Oh, whatever. It isn't even a baby yet.' That's bullsh*t. This creature's incredible, makes me feel whole, safe."
Read that again. The woman who was carrying the child rejected the central lie of the abortion movement in real time. Not in hindsight. Not decades later. In 1991, pregnant and alone, she knew. "It isn't even a baby yet" was, in her own words, bullsh*t.
And yet she went through with it anyway. In another entry, she wrote with brutal honesty about what was coming:
"I'm f*cking pregnant, and I'm killing my child on Thursday. I'm thinking, 'Where the f*ck can I go to recuperate from murder?' His family will hate me when they find out that I killed their family member because they don't believe in it. But I can't have this baby because I have work to do to entertain this f*cking world."
She used the word "murder." She used the phrase "killing my child." She acknowledged the baby's father's family would see it as killing a family member. She knew what she was doing, named it for what it was, and did it because she had "work to do."
The culture told her that it was the right trade.
On June 9, Applegate wrote a poem to her unborn baby. She said she was convinced the child was a girl, adding, "I have no actual proof, but that doesn't matter. To this day, I know."
"Hello, little thing. I feel you every moment of my day. Such a tiny existence. Such an immense effect you have. You are a miracle. A tiny handed miracle. I love you, but you know your fate. It's not your time. I know you didn't make that decision, but it can't be your time."
She called the baby a miracle. She told the baby she loved her. She acknowledged the baby had no say in the decision. And then she ended the poem with words that will stay with anyone who reads them:
"I hope you will forgive me, but I want you to know how you've changed me. You've opened my eyes. You're letting me know something is more important than myself. But mommy can't be with you right now. But know she loves you, more than any other miracle. And know that when it's your time it will be your time."
This is not the language of "reproductive healthcare." This is a mother talking to her child. She called herself "mommy." She called the baby a miracle. She asked for forgiveness.
Every word of it demolishes the sterile euphemisms that the abortion industry spends billions to maintain.
Applegate, who has spoken publicly about her battle with multiple sclerosis, connected her later suffering to the spiritual wound of that choice. She goes on to describe how she foresaw a future where "the bill for all the guilt and unhappiness and trauma would be paid by my body."
In a September 14, 1991, journal passage, she wrestled with the guilt directly:
"That word 'sorry' sucks… I can't be sorry. I can't feel guilty. Guilt is not an emotion, it's a disease, a pathetic life altering and, in the long run, fatal disease. It begins in the brain, then spreads the illness throughout the entire body until not only does the mind shut off, but the body, as well."
She wrote that she knew "something very dangerous was happening inside my soul. Something that might one day shut off my body." Reflecting on those entries more than three decades later, she described experiencing "a kind of concussive awareness of the future impact of all these dark events from my early life."
The pro-abortion movement insists there is no psychological fallout from abortion. Study after study, funded by reputable institutions, reaches the right conclusions. And yet here is a woman, in her own handwriting, predicting that the trauma would destroy her from the inside out.
Christina Applegate is not a conservative activist. She is not writing for a pro-life organization. She is a Hollywood actress who lived the full promise of the sexual revolution: career first, motherhood later, abortion as the bridge between the two. And her own private writings, never intended for public consumption at the time, expose every comfortable fiction the abortion lobby relies on.
The fiction that women don't know what they're doing. Applegate knew. She called it murder.
The fiction that it's just a clump of cells. Applegate called her child a "tiny-handed miracle."
The fiction that abortion is empowering. Applegate begged her unborn daughter for forgiveness.
The fiction that there are no lasting consequences. Applegate predicted the guilt would shut down her body.
None of this was said on a stage at the March for Life. It was written in a diary by a scared young woman in 1991, living inside the very world that told her this choice would be painless and forgettable. The world lied. She wrote the truth.
Thirty years later, she still knows it was a girl.
